


Tally Marks

by Panicattheprinxiety



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 13:59:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17367176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panicattheprinxiety/pseuds/Panicattheprinxiety
Summary: A little mark can change everything...





	Tally Marks

A red tally mark, right in my shoulder. Just another reason to put on my hoodie. I would have taken a punch to the stomach if I wouldn't have to wear this mark on my skin like a badge that said 'Hey, he didn't love me back.'

It wasn't my fault he couldn't find it in himself to love me, it was just the heartbreaking reality. Even if he didn't know it existed due to it being covered up there isn't any point in telling him, that would just make us awkward around each other and no matter how much I wished it would have been black I'm glad for him to have a black one on his arm.

Of course he'd get requited love. He's perfect in every way, shape, or form. Even I couldn't resist him, but I apparently took the wrong signs. Those flirty fights I thought we had were just plain fights and I had been to stupid to figure out that until then. 

I didn't know he had fallen for someone until last week when we were eating dinner. His sleeve rolled up by accident and Patton had gasped causing Romans attention to be directed at his arm. He smiled and my heart was caught between melting and shattering.

I had already felt the painful truth months ago when mine had first appeared. I didn't want the others knowing something like this was happening so I kept to myself. I mean, they didn't have any business to know that my love life was.. failing.

He had told us later that night he had fallen for one of the more recently developed characters in Thomas' vines, Remy. Of course him being creativity he himself came up with Remy so it wouldn't be too far from surprising that they had something for each other. 

I couldn't be angry, it's not like he was mine. I just wasn't his Prince, and that was okay.. it was completely up to him who he should give affection to even if it wasn't me and if could do something to change his mind I'd do almost anything but if he doesn't want me then I'll just have to live with it.

What was the worst was chocking back tears everytime he asked one of us for help with his date. Most of the time he didn't even ask me, I just so happened to be in the room and he asked Patton or Logan.

The only time he did ask me to help him was with color schemes, so that they matched. Cutsey couple aesthetic I guess. Trying to convince him his normal outfit matched Remy's because they are opposite colors did nothing to him trying on new outfits. I didn't want to be part of this what so ever but I did it anyway. If it was because I cared for him or I just wanted to be alone for a few hours that day so I could sulk in peace about it I can't remember whatsoever.

Those two hours alone were the worst ones in my life. Patton and Logan were helping Thomas out for some videos so it was all just silent around the house. I didn't want to be alone when it comes to this but I was. I climbed the stairs to my bedroom and gently shut the door while locking it. It's a good thing we had soundproof walls, otherwise if one of them came home early they'd definitely hear my sobs. I didn't mean to be selfish but it was my feeling that were being crushed and I can cry over it if I need to. He wasn't here to accuse me of any different, nor was Morality. 

The first day I had the tally mark I sat in my room for four hours staring into space. It's the type of pain that hurts the most, where your heart is torn up into bits but your head goes through all the ways it would have been if it had been a black color instead of red. Our first date, the one he was on right now, just not with me. But that's okay, as long as he's the happiest he can be.

I needed a while to calm myself down after what, an hour of crying my eyes out? I played with my own feeling now was the time I have to deal with what I've gotten myself into. As I sit alone in a corner of my room my mind starts to wander, but of course it always leads back to Princey. How our first kiss would have been, although it's probably going to just upset me more when I see them kiss. I really wish I hadn't fallen for him right now. 

I don't get to feel our first hug, cuddle on the couch, sleep in the same bed or our first kiss. That was all theirs now. Like I said before, I don't hate it I'm just upset it was me. Doesn't matter now though. Maybe now would be a good time to get a nap in, yeah. Maybe a nap will help.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------  
I woke up from my nap and noticed my clock read 7:26. It was an hour since the date should have been over and most of the puffiness in my eyes had gone down. I'm hungry so I decide I should get something from the kitchen.

As I walked down the hall fate decided to make me feel even worse. I heard his giggle coming from downstairs. That Adorable, innocent giggle I wasn't making happen. A giggle I'll have to go without hearing most of the time. I blinked back tears praying they were texting, only to have that hope struck down when I saw they were cuddling on with couch. Could they indirectly make me feel more misrable? The fact he couldn't be mine, the fact he didn't love me, the fact he loves someone else who he's happy with is all hitting me at once. I'll just grab something and sink back down to my room in the kitchen.

He giggled again and I almost whimpered at the sound. Thoughts of self deprication swirrle in my head before I'm snapped out of it by a voice.

"Hey Virge, can ya get me and my boyfriend here some coffee from the fridge? Starbucks please."

I nod my head and put my hand over my heart when I'm just out of view of the other two. Why did my feeling have to be so easy to hurt? Not just any type of hurt, I mean am I having a heart attack this hurts so much hurt.

I grab the bottles of coffee and hand them to Remy, my heart breaking a bit more everytime they even so much as make eye contact. Keep yourself together! They'll know somethings up if you don't.

When I get back to my room I let his laugh play over in my head over and over. It sounded so happy and care free, I couldn't take that away. I'd rather live the most painful way than take away something that makes him happy. Plus, if he found out I did anything he'd never be even so much as mildly nice to me ever again. I don't want to mess up what we have to have a .001% chance of something more.

Just when we were getting along smoothly, not even so much as disagreeing on a movie, it gets thrown down the trash. Well only for me, considering he doesn't want to be more than what we are now, and I don't even think he wants to be what we are anyway.

What made Remy so charming to him anyway? We all look the same so it couldn't be that. Maybe it's his flamboyancy? I mean..they both do have alot of that. They both have alot of confidence too. I list off everything they have in common and everything on that list is something I don't even come close to having, and one thing he'll have that I will never come close to having is cuddling with him downstairs. I guess they are the perfect couple.

The tally mark on my shoulder will remain hidden, and in that time I know it will start to scar if I don't stop being miserable, but it's to late at this point. It won't bleed or hurt other than when you intentionally do something to hurt it.

Maybe I was destined to feel this pain of love that will never be returned. Maybe I will just have to deal with him being so happy with someone else right in front of me. I'll have to deal with that smile he flashes to him, and oh god the laugh I hear in my head every five seconds, all directed at him. To let him know he's the happiest he's ever been.


End file.
